{The World Turned Upside Down}

Death day has rolled around again and my feelings about it are far more ambivalent than I expected them to be.

Most of me feels like I should be the happiest camper in the world because as Dr. Ahari my pulmonologist said, all of this time is extra. Today marks five whole years of extra time.

I'm not going to lie. That sounds like the shiniest thing in all the land, but extra time is just as much of a burden as it is a blessing. I have often heard in the last five years that I was saved for a reason and trying to figure out what that reason is is the hardest thing I've ever had to do! I often find myself wondering if the extra time is actually worth it.

There are so many sparkly, shiny things in my life that I try to remember when those thoughts invade my headspace. I have the most amazing family anyone could possibly ask for. My brother and sister-in-law let me invade their space on the reg and FaceTime with me at least once a week. My niece and nephews play wegos (legos), sing silly songs, giggle uncontrollable, and make me happier than almost anything else. My dad texts me every day just to remind me that I am loved. My baby sis and brother-in-law keep me laughing on the reg with memes, jokes, and the best pure, unadulterated sarcasm. My big sis keeps me rolling always with a shoulder to lean on and a space to be truly myself. My mom is my light and lifeline. She is willing to answer my phone calls at a whisper while stepping out of a meeting just for me. (And she's kind of a big deal, so that means I'm kind of a big deal to her.) I have incredible support from extended family as well. I have the best aunts, uncles, cousins and their babies who are incredible delights.

I  am so so so lucky to have found many families of choice in my lifetime. From Utah to D.C. to Iowa, I have met and been loved by so many who I have needed and relied on.

Tons of things changed that day five years ago. Things I never even thought of until I sat down and actually pondered it. I know that this is my new normal, but it is weird to think about the person that I was, the person that I am now, and how having almost walked into the bright light has fundamentally changed who I am.

I am going to continue to try and find the sparkly, shiny things in life. It's difficult but I can't imagine going through the next five years in a cloud of gloom. I'm going to work my face off to keep myself above the surface.

{Precious People Profile Part 1}

Last minute picture!

In the interesting of loving more (And blogging more. Let's be honest, I've sucked in that category.), I have decided to do profiles on my precious people. I have a lot. I have so many people to love that sometimes I forget how many. For Precious People Part 1 I would like to introduce you all to my favorite brother. My only brother, but still by far my favorite. He recently came and spent a week with me in frozen Iowa. I took approximately one picture to show for it right as we walked out the door of my apartment to take him to the airport.

I have a problem.

You bet your booties that we had plenty of shenanigans though! We mostly sat and drove and ate. That's how he and I roll. And it's legit the best way to roll. We went to all the best restaurants in town and even took a tour of the John Deere factory that is near my house! He also introduced me to my new most favorite TV show, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. If you don't mind the most terrible people in all of the land, it should be your new favorite show too!

He also helped me realize my vision of the gorgeous washi tape dispenser you see to your left. Isn't it pretty? He cut the dowels for me so I would have enough room for my obsessive collection. He didn't even mind going to the craft store with me. :) We even went to more than one. He's too legit to quit.

Nothing better than being with my boys.

  

Let me tell you why he is Precious Person Number One. He is kind. He is thoughtful. He is handy AF. He is funny. I never have more fun than when I am with him. He cares about people deeply and would do almost anything for anyone. He produces the most beautiful children known to man and then he is so amazing that they are obsessed with him. In fact, when he was here to visit me, he hadn't been here more than a few hours when we got a FaceTime call from his home with his ginger-headed five year old asking, "Can you come home nooooooooow?"

Baby PJ!

They didn't want to be away from him even for a minute. He is passionate about things that are important to him and the hardest worker that I know.

 

Anderson Ray!

Jo Jo!

Check the look on the baby's face!

I once was very sick. (You've heard about it.) I tried to tell him that he shouldn't drive the five hours from his home to mine just to have to turn around a drive back to be on time for work. After the second or third phone call he told me, "It's not a choice Meg." He literally drove down five hours to make sure I was okay, stay for a couple of hours, and drive the five hours back. He has always been there for me. Ready and willing to do what he can. He took a week off of work in 2015 to move me halfway across the country. He is literally the greatest.

Best. Family. Photo. Ever.

I am grateful that he is my brother every day. I am grateful that he (and his wife) let me crash their lives sometimes when I'm a little sad and need a boost. I have, on more than one occasion, called them up and asked if I could fly out for a long weekend. I am grateful that Thanksgiving is Aunt Megan Week and I always feel welcomed and loved. I am grateful that he loves to get in the car and drive. I am grateful that he loves to go on adventures. I am grateful that he is raising the best kids, and that he picked the best wife. I love him more than I will ever be able to say. 

 

I love these peeps!

He is my first Precious Person because he is literally the best at loving and living and being my person. He is the best dad, the best son, the best husband and by far the very best brother. Nate, I love you to the moon and back and am sooooooooooooooo grateful for you!

(Mostly photo creds go to Kate!)