{HOW DO YOU MEASURE A YEAR}

Why the new blog? I went private with my old blog in 2011 and then I NEVER POSTED AGAIN. Tragedy. I've decided to renew the blogger in me in order to document the next chapter of my life.

So.... November 6th. A day that will live in infamy. I'm just kidding. Except maybe for my mom. (Sorry mom!)

Last year I greeted this day with great joy and hope for the year to come. I was going to be opening a new chapter in my life: moving out of state, getting my first "big girl" job, and embarking on the decade that was supposed to be the prime of my life. I decided I wanted to welcome 30 in Mexico on a beautiful sandy beach with beautiful men (and what beautiful men they were, MOH and PK) and a beautiful sunset. I had such optimism for what my future was to hold. It was the perfect way to kick off a decade.

And then came the year.

That sounded ominous didn't it? It was supposed to be. The last year of my life as not been anything like my dreams thought it would be. I moved halfway across the country to a place where I knew approximately 2 people for a job I thought was my dream. Approximately 65% of the people that live in this city are 12. Okay, 18-22, but they are 12 to me. The other 35% are professors who are older. It's a GREAT place to be for a single gal who's 30. My health took a nose dive for the worse and I ended up in the hospital 3 times in 2 months. I got my second pulmonary embolism (which is the most fun thing), lost half my blood volume, and had a radical hysterectomy. All alone in a town of 12 year-olds. It was a shitty year to say the least.

There were good things that came out of this year though. I made some dear friends in the people in my office as well as the interpreters I worked with. I found the most amazing therapist who taught me a lot about myself, and kept me as sane as she possibly could while I dealt with physical illness, mental illness, and loss. I was lucky to have a job and a group of co-workers that allowed me the time, space, and shoulders to cry on that I needed in order to try and heal.

I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I am not cut out to be the president or CEO. I learned that while I may know all the things, I haven't paid my dues enough to be The Person Who Knows All the Things. And most importantly of all, I learned that I don't want to be The Person Who Knows All the Things.

What I want most is to love.

So, here it is, November 6th again. 365 more days around the sun.

As I look back on The Shittiest Year On Record, I have a lot of feelings. Some are good, but most are not. I don't think I've even processed the number of feelings I have.
SO MANY FEELINGS!

I hope that this blog will help me to begin to process all that I have been through, and the journey that I am about to embark on. I am hoping to be able to have the space and be brave enough to be raw, real, and exposed about my experiences and how they have impacted my life. It's not all going to be sunshine and roses, but hopefully there are glimpses here and there and out of the gloom, the sun will eventually rise.

I desperately hope that 31 will bring all the magic and joy that I had hoped for in 30. Though I feel like I've been through hell, this isn't the end of my journey. I'm trying to look forward to my next 365 days around the sun.

With little less work and far more love.