{LET'S TALK ABOUT LOVE}

I have felt an outpouring of love these past few weeks. A perfect example of loving more!

My sissy-poo Katie came to visit me just when I needed some love from home the very most. She has that thing where she always knows when I need her, and she shows up! We had sooooooooo much fun! We saw Jem and the Holograms which was AMAZING! And we were the only people in the whole theater, so we were obnoxiously fun.

 We got to swim in a pool of corn. A POOL OF CORN! Corn's my favorite, in case you didn't know. We went on a hay ride and through a corn maze, and to see the High Trestle Trail Bridge. I had a much needed week getting my soul revitalized. Skate is simply the very best.

  

I got a package almost every day last week. If there is anything I love the most, it is unexpected packages in the mail. 

My bestie-estie Emily sent me a box full of sunshine. My Grandpa and his wife DeDe sent me a box full of things they bought on QVC in a QVC box. (It all also said Merry Christmas. I'm worried about some forgetfulness. :/) My little sister sent me her in a box: candy and $1 for a frosty bev, and my mom send the best gift of all! Her note said that she couldn't think of anything to give me that I hadn't already given myself (true story, I buy all the things) and wrote me this beautiful book chronicling my life and all the of the times a miracle has occurred that has kept me alive. Spoiler alert: It's happened a bunch of times. It was sweet and wonderful and reminded me why my mom is the best ever!

The week was filled with the silliest shopping trips, public readings of hilarious books, floating around a clothing store like a bird, TWO cakes, and a trip and overnight stay at the oldest funeral home in Iowa.

It was simultaneously the most fun and the ickiest thing I have ever done. I went with my beauties from the office, and my beauties that I interpret with. It was a night filled with weirdness, laughter, accents, and karaoke. And they gave me a gavel. Basically the perfect storm for a great birthday!

I have realized that no matter where I go I am surrounded by love. The people here in Iowa have embraced me totally and completely. I couldn't survive without daily contact with my family. My friends back in Utah as well as D.C., Maryland, and Virginia are always there even when they're not physically there. I have friends all over the country that I love and appreciate. And I have decided to love and appreciate them more.

I have found myself saying more often than not, that the move to Iowa made it so I don't have a support system. I am finally starting to realize that a support system can look many ways. It doesn't have to be people that are in close proximity. It can be anyone that reaches out. As I have struggled through the last few years, I have had many, many, MANY people reach out to me.

My vow for the next year is to be the person that reaches out.

{HOW DO YOU MEASURE A YEAR}

Why the new blog? I went private with my old blog in 2011 and then I NEVER POSTED AGAIN. Tragedy. I've decided to renew the blogger in me in order to document the next chapter of my life.

So.... November 6th. A day that will live in infamy. I'm just kidding. Except maybe for my mom. (Sorry mom!)

Last year I greeted this day with great joy and hope for the year to come. I was going to be opening a new chapter in my life: moving out of state, getting my first "big girl" job, and embarking on the decade that was supposed to be the prime of my life. I decided I wanted to welcome 30 in Mexico on a beautiful sandy beach with beautiful men (and what beautiful men they were, MOH and PK) and a beautiful sunset. I had such optimism for what my future was to hold. It was the perfect way to kick off a decade.

And then came the year.

That sounded ominous didn't it? It was supposed to be. The last year of my life as not been anything like my dreams thought it would be. I moved halfway across the country to a place where I knew approximately 2 people for a job I thought was my dream. Approximately 65% of the people that live in this city are 12. Okay, 18-22, but they are 12 to me. The other 35% are professors who are older. It's a GREAT place to be for a single gal who's 30. My health took a nose dive for the worse and I ended up in the hospital 3 times in 2 months. I got my second pulmonary embolism (which is the most fun thing), lost half my blood volume, and had a radical hysterectomy. All alone in a town of 12 year-olds. It was a shitty year to say the least.

There were good things that came out of this year though. I made some dear friends in the people in my office as well as the interpreters I worked with. I found the most amazing therapist who taught me a lot about myself, and kept me as sane as she possibly could while I dealt with physical illness, mental illness, and loss. I was lucky to have a job and a group of co-workers that allowed me the time, space, and shoulders to cry on that I needed in order to try and heal.

I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I am not cut out to be the president or CEO. I learned that while I may know all the things, I haven't paid my dues enough to be The Person Who Knows All the Things. And most importantly of all, I learned that I don't want to be The Person Who Knows All the Things.

What I want most is to love.

So, here it is, November 6th again. 365 more days around the sun.

As I look back on The Shittiest Year On Record, I have a lot of feelings. Some are good, but most are not. I don't think I've even processed the number of feelings I have.
SO MANY FEELINGS!

I hope that this blog will help me to begin to process all that I have been through, and the journey that I am about to embark on. I am hoping to be able to have the space and be brave enough to be raw, real, and exposed about my experiences and how they have impacted my life. It's not all going to be sunshine and roses, but hopefully there are glimpses here and there and out of the gloom, the sun will eventually rise.

I desperately hope that 31 will bring all the magic and joy that I had hoped for in 30. Though I feel like I've been through hell, this isn't the end of my journey. I'm trying to look forward to my next 365 days around the sun.

With little less work and far more love.